


Forever Elysium Bound

by mediasploshion



Series: break deponia [1]
Category: Deponia (Video Games)
Genre: Delusions, I have happy ending syndrome, Insanity, Suicidal Thoughts, decent to madness, it gets nice at the end though, it goes down fast, suicidal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 07:45:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14232573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mediasploshion/pseuds/mediasploshion
Summary: Rufus is actually alive after falling, but that is the only good thing that happens for a while





	1. He Survived

It was just pure darkness, a sharp pain than pure darkness was all that Rufus could remember. To save Goal he let go of the high-boat so she would stop focusing on finding Rufus, and focus on getting off as soon as possible. Then he remembers falling for what felt like an hour, then bracing himself for impact. He was sure that he wouldn't make it, he had survived many things before but this was the one he knew would end him for good. He remembers the pain being quick before he felt nothing, this must have been what death feels like.

He woke up barely able to move, covered to the brim in bandages, everything hurt, he was stuck laying down. At the very least he could move his head to look around, and after a few seconds he knew exactly where he was. He was back in Kuvaq, in Gizmo's place in hospital mode. Rufus then tried calling out to Gizmo but even his voice was practically dead, the most he could talk was in a whisper. Guess that left him to at least think about what just happened. He started thinking about how he could have possibly survived that, first off he couldn't be a clone because his body was broken like it just survived that fall, and Hermes was gone and the factory is out of ingredients, so he must have really survived falling that far. Man his indestructibility even amazes himself sometimes. And with his thoughts of the fall, he began thinking about why he fell, Goal, was she alright, is everyone safe now, is doomsday over? He just kept thinking on and on until Gizmo finally stepped into the room and saw Rufus was awake.

"Ah good, so it's not a coma then. Strangely enough, it is good to see you again Rufus." Rufus tried speaking back but to no avail since his voice was still shot.

"Voice suffered with the rest of you then huh? Well here, I can probably guess the biggest question you have, which would be about your survival."

Gizmo then went on to explain how he saw Rufus fall from the sky, found him on the ground, brought him back, and patched him up the best he could. Rufus waking up, let alone living, was a miracle in on itself really. Everyone left in town at least will be very surprised to hear Rufus is fine ... more or less. The slow process of healing then began, it was about a month before Rufus could even walk again. At least in that month he could speak again and started asking about Elysium and everyone there. As far as Gizmo knew, ties between Elysium and Deponia have been completely cut off, the Organon are even gone, no one has heard anything about the Elysians or the Deponians that made it there. With Rufus being Rufus however, he knew that there must still be some way to get to Elysium, old habits die hard as they say. After 3 more months of healing Rufus was as good as ever and he was back to his old ways and even more determined now to get to Elysium, he has to see goal, he just has to.


	2. The Tape Recorder

Ever since Rufus began trying again to reach Elysium, he has been descending into a slow downward spiral of rage and recklessness. All his plans would crumble faster and faster the more he failed and it just made him more and more angry and irritable. He was even worse than what Toni would be like if you pushed her, and everyone in town was not really sure how to handle all of this. Gizmo seemed to be the only one that tried to help, it made sense since he was the doctor of the whole town. At one point he even had an Idea he thought would help Rufus. One day he went to find Rufus, who was currently failing at building a rocket and kicking everything, and he brought with him a gift.

"Uhg this god damn scrap metal, why can't it just weld right!?!" He then proceeded to kick wildly at the metal, his tools, the air. He only stopped when he noticed Gizmo. "What the hell do you want, can't you see I'm busy?"

"This will only be but a minute, I just want to give you something."

"If it isn't a way to Elysium then I don't want it." It was a much more common thing now for Rufus to speak with a harsh tone to anyone, no matter what they did.

"Well a plagued mind isn't going to help you either, so I just brought something I think will help ease you a bit." Gizmo then holds out his gift, a tape recorder.

"A tape recorder? That is going to help me relax?!"

"It will help by being something you can use to vent, talk about anything really, memories, random thoughts, slightly unreasonable obsessions." Rufus gave a harsh glare at the last comment. "Look you know I just want to help, at least just take it alright."

"... fine, but I don't have some horrible obsession got it?"

"Completely understood."

Gizmo then left and Rufus went back to trying to build this rocket, failing, and getting pissed. After finally giving up today he looks at the tape recorder and decides why the hell not.

"Is this thing working? You know what, who cares if it is or not. So Gizmo said that if I talk into this thing about random stuff then I'll feel better or something. ... You know what why should I even say shit to this thing, there's no way in hell that it will help me, so far nothing is helping me."

Rufus then stops the recorder and goes back to feeling irritated at the world.


	3. It Begins

"I guess this stupid recorder will be good after all, it's gonna record my successful trip to Elysium. Everyone said I was going crazy with obsession to getting there, well you know what, everyone else is crazy for ever doubting me! Now just wait a little longer Goal, I'm coming."

Then the audio begins to sound like something is blasting off, Rufus is cheering, things sound like they are going fine for the next minute and a half, then alarms can be heard with Rufus giving an "Oh no!" before the audio cuts out.

The next audio clip begins with an aggressive sounding Rufus.

"Are you serious, out of all the crap I make, out of everything that is mine, this little piece of crap is the only thing that stays together?! Well I guess that's just what I need, something else to record every single god damn mistake I make! ... Why the hell is it still recording?!"

The audio then cuts out and the next one is not made for the next couple of months.


	4. Brink of Insanity

"I know it, I know it all, they think I don't know but I do! They are all up there celebrating, having the time of their lives while I SUFFER down here. I didn't even have to fall, I could have just said something and BAM, I would be on Elysium right now where I should be. I bet there are all so happy I'm dead too, ME, the savior of both worlds! Well you know what, none of the assholes deserved me, none of them deserved to know ME! The only one was Goal ... Goal, she must be miserable without me, yeah. While the others are having such a great time partying their asses off, Goal is probably sobbing for me, even after this long.

Why did this have to happen to me, why does my life have to be nothing but sacrifice and suffering for people who DON'T EVEN CARE!! Everyone else get's to be happy but me ... e-everyone ... " 

Sobbing can then be heard in the tape for a good few minutes. It's light and hard to hear but you can tell it is sobbing.

" ... I don't want to do this anymore."


	5. Let it End

"You know what, that is it, I am done. Let people enjoy their stupid bullshit happy lives and I'll just end mine. I've already done everything I'm supposed to, I saved the world, I fell in love, and so far my life is now just endless suffering as things just get worse and worse. So I say screw it all! I shouldn't have even survived the fall in the first place, I should have turned into a PANCAKE RIGHT THERE!!! FUCK YOU GIZMO FOR KEEPING ME ALIVE! But no more, my suffering ends here, there is no reason for me to even exist anymore so what is the god damn POINT! Rufus the hero is long dead, so it's about time I join him."

The recording cuts out, no recordings are logged for the next few weeks.

"... That's it, I was just made so I can suffer. No matter what I do I just. Can't. DIE! I used to think it was something nice about me, like death wasn't something in my way, but not it's not even an option! ... I just want to die, that isn't so much to ask for is it? Is it so much to ask for a stab to work, a fall, overdosing on random pills, anything?! ... Or maybe I am dead and this is just hell, it would finally make sense in all this fucking bullshit. Maybe Satan just looked at me and decided "hey I know he saved tons of lives, but let's make him go god damn insane as we torture him for eternity" ... I am going crazy. I am losing my mind as we speak, hell maybe that would be nice since I probably won't be able to tell I'm suffering anymore if I'm batshit insane, huh Goal. ... I just called this thing Goal ... I-I'm going crazy ..."

The recording cuts out.


	6. My Goal

"Oh god Goal, there you are, I thought I really lost you. Don't worry Goal, I won't lose you again. I got something to tell you today, I finally made it to Elysium. The bad part though, it's just like Deponia, no difference! But hey that's fine, who needs to meet new people and learn new places when I already know all I need. But Goal I am surprised, you never once told me that Deponia and Elysium are exactly the same. I won't say I am mad at you, but I am a little disappointed. But hey it's fine now, all we need is each other and that's exactly what we have. I wish you would talk back to me Goal, on your own, without using my voice. But your implant is broken again and there is only so much that can be done, and look on the bright side, at least you aren't split in three again *laughs*. Now here, let's go home and try to get some peace after all that panic trying to find you. I am so sorry for losing you, I promise I never will again. You're the only thing keeping me sane down here Goal, so please lets never leave each other."

Rufus stops recording and heads home, but this time someone was in ear shot of his recordings, and he is very concerned for Rufus.


	7. Get Help

Gizmo has been recently listening to Rufus when he records messages to the tape recorder and they have not been good so far. Rufus is obviously suffering from some kind of delusions. He calls the tape recorder Goal and talks to it like it is almost a real person, this is the lowest anyone has probably ever seen him be in his life. Something had to be done, and even though Gizmo was no psychiatrist he knew at least something that would help.

After a bit of some calm talking he convinces Rufus to come into the clinic to talk, he was mainly convinced after Gizmo said "Goal" would get a check up too. The next day Rufus comes with the tape recorder to the clinic and Gizmo plans the best way he can get him to agree to what he is thinking.

"Hey there Gizmo."

"Hello Rufus, it's good that you could make it, I would like t-"

"Ah before you say anything else, you promised Goal a check up, so you better make sure she is ok."

"Ah ... yes of course, let me see the ... patient then." Gizmo then takes the tape recorder and puts it away out of sight so Rufus could focus.

"She seems fine, but a bit stressed so I am letting her rest for now alright."

"Oh alright, but nothing serious right?"

"No not at all, now Rufus I would like to talk to you about something."

"Is it me getting an award for going the longest I ever have with having picture perfect health."

"Um, not quite. Rufus you know I just wish the best for my patients, and that I only wish to help. And Rufus, I know that you need serious help."

"What are you talking about, I stopped getting injured months ago, I haven't been hurt since."

"Physically you haven't, mentally is where you need help."

"What, I'm completely sane though."

"Does it not concern you that "Goal" fit right into your hand."

"Listen here Gizmo, I know you aren't a bad guy but I am not crazy! And don't you dare say anything bad about Goal you hear me?!" Ok so obviously a direct method is not working, good thing he had a plan B.

"Yes loud and clear Rufus, please let me start over. What I think is wrong mentally is that Goal is far too quiet on her own and you need to hear her more."

"Hmm ... yes it would be nice to hear her again."

"Well I know exactly how to, if I install a brain implant into you, then I can also put Goal into it, and you two would always be together in one head, listening to each other and such." 

It didn't take long for Rufus to be completely on board with the idea, and soon the surgery began. During the time Gizmo got to hear every single recording Rufus made, and honestly everything he was hearing on this was awful to him. He made a decision then, to only leave his personality, but completely wipe his memory. It would give a clean slate to his mental state and give him a new chance at a better life. Yet Gizmo just couldn't bring himself to fully get rid of the recordings, these were going to be the very last bits of the old Rufus, at least keeping a part would be good, so he simply locks it away to never be found.

It was a long process, but soon Rufus' implant was done, and all of his memories were wiped. After a while Rufus finally woke up.

"Oh my head ... wait where am I, who am I? ... Who are you?" Rufus was just confused and didn't know how he should react to not knowing anything.

"Relax ok, your name is Rufus, mine is Gizmo. ... I am your father, you recently suffered a severe head injury where I was able to help by giving you a brain implant, but sadly I could not safe your memories no matter how hard I tried."

"Oh ... you're really my dad?"

"Yes, though with you suffering this severe of amnesia it is alright if you act skeptical around me."

"... ok."

Gizmo wasn't afraid of making himself Rufus' new dad, he did have no memories after all, just forcing him to up and leave would be cruel. He doesn't mind to at least try and be a trusting figure to Rufus during this time, and he was sure that he really needed one right now.


	8. Brokenly Back Together

For Rufus, life had started over for him. He knew nothing with only one person to trust at the start, yet he felt it really was ok to trust him, maybe he really was his dad. Gizmo though had began going around town, telling everyone to absolutely not mention anything about Rufus' real past, for it might hurt his mental healing process and cause him to go insane again. Everyone was for the idea, though they were still a bit afraid of what Rufus could still do so they tend to keep their distance. Rufus just sees this as most of the town likes to keep to themselves.

It had been a year since Rufus forgot who he was and things had changed greatly, though yes he was still a bit of a walking tornado, he never did it with harsh intent of any kind anymore. He was trying to be helpful in fact as Gizmo was teaching him how to take over the job of being the town doctor, fireman, and policeman. Of course everyone was concerned at first about it but Rufus wasn't aloud to do any of it on his own, always with Gizmo by his side. And those two were even forming a nice relationship of their own. Gizmo felt like he actually had a son that he wanted to care for and help grow, and Rufus felt like he had a really caring father.

One day though, things began to turn sour. Rufus accidentally began a fire in city hall, but to be fair the candle and gasoline should not have been that close to each other, that is just a safety hazard. But of course Rufus' favorite little buddy Wenzel was not letting him hear the end of it.

"Really Rufus, I don't think a fireman is supposed to start fires."

"Oh will you cut it out already Wenzel, I told you it was an accident, and lit candles and gasoline just shouldn't be close together in the first place."

"Well any smart person would have not knocked both of those over."

"A smart person would have not put them near each other in the first place."

"You can say that all you want but that doesn't change that you did something really stupid."

"You know I just wish there was an off switch on you that I could punch to make you shut up."

"Oh and now you are being a horrible police officer by threatening violence on the innocent, what's next, you'll mess up being a doctor too?"

"Can you just can it for once, god you are so annoying."

"Oh Rufus, you never change, no matter how much you forget."

"... and just what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh whoops ... well I already spilled it, might as well say the rest." Wenzel then went on to explain what Rufus used to be like before the memory loss, how he used to be much worse yet still hasn't changes. How the only thing that has changed was that he stopped being crazy. Of course Rufus couldn't just believe this, how could anyone believe this, no one could ... but he couldn't shake the stupid idea from his mind. Later that day Rufus goes into Gizmo's office and starts trying to look for that tape recorder Wenzel mentioned, if he couldn't find it then that is proof that Wenzel is just lying. However though Gizmo catches him in the act.

"Rufus, what are you doing rummaging through everything?"

"... Dad, you wouldn't lie to me right?"

"Of course not."

"Then is there a tape recorder in here?"

"Now what's with the sudden question?"

"You're not answering me."

"Well I won't answer until you do."

"Alright fine, well it's just that Wenzel started saying how apparently in the part of my life I don't remember I was much worse with the danger I caused. That I did it out of malice to get what I want. That you aren't my dad and that I went crazy before I lost my memories. Of course I don't believe him but ... it never hurts to be extra sure right?"

"Right ... Rufus, I need you to listen carefully and calmly to what I'm about to say."

"Wait so he was telling the truth?!"

"... Yes Rufus, what he said is true, that was who you used to be but that isn't who you are now." Rufus was basically ignoring the nice words because now he was pissed. His life was a lie and Gizmo is the one that made it that way.

"Where the hell is that damn tape recorder?"

"I will not tell you, if you listen to it you might relapse back into your insanity."

"But those are MY words, those are MY memories, I should be able to know them!" 

Rufus then began basically tearing the place apart to find it, he was just so mad learning that the only things he knew were just lies. Gizmo tried to stop him and calm him down but it was to no avail. Rufus finds the recorder and books it out of there, out of town. He doesn't want to be found as he listens to the small parts of his true past. Eventually he gets far enough and starts listening, he listens to every single bit. It all sounds so foreign and yet so familiar, so familiar in fact that he gets small flashbacks from time to time. When Gizmo was getting rid of memories, he was more suppressing them then removing them. After listening to all of it Rufus still didn't have all of his memories, but he had just enough to now feel like he was going a different kind of crazy. His life was crap compared to now, but his life now was nothing but a lie. He just really didn't know how to feel about any of this, it was all just insane.

Eventually Gizmo was able to find him and catch up to him. When he found Rufus, he was crying listening to the tapes again.

"Rufu-"

"Leave me alone! All you did was lie to me and take away my life from me!"

"Because there was nothing else to do to help you, you were so lost in your insanity that the only thing that could be done was to forcibly give you amnesia."

"Isn't there crap called therapy."

"Well I am not a therapist and you know that, I did all I could to just try and help fix you. I told you your life was this way so that way I could stay with you and try to help you through another harsh time of learning how to live with your amnesia. I didn't want to see anything else bad happen to you, and after hearing everything you said in those tapes, you really needed help getting out of a bad place."

"... just why does the world want me to suffer."

"I can't answer that well Rufus, the best I can say is that sometimes just multiple bad things happen to people, and others need to give a hand to help."

"... I remember what you and me were like before everything, why did you want to help me? If anything you had even more of a reason to lock me behinds bars now since I was crazy."

"Because you had already been through enough, nothing needed to be added on to the list of bad things happening to you."

"... Why did you tell me you were my dad, you could have just said you were a friend."

"Because I knew you needed someone to truly feel like you could trust them ... and having you as a son isn't that bad."

There is a shared silence between the two for a bit.

"... My life can just never be simple huh."

"Rufus, you were never simple the day you came to Kuvaq."

"... thanks for being a pretty good dad Gizmo."

"You're welcome Rufus."

The two then go back to town, Gizmo giving a very good talking and warning to Wenzel for breaking the promise of not telling. Rufus still barely remembered his old life, but he was fine with that now, who needs it anyway, it did its purpose, it was new Rufus' time to shine. And so he continued his life as the son of Gizmo, a PoliceFireDoctorMan in training.


End file.
